What is the 'seat of the soul'? Most people do not believe that the soul is a physical thing, yet many believe it has a location--inside us somewhere. I certainly believe there is some part of my body that, when appropriately touched, stirs me to my soul. In my boyhood years that was clearly my penis. Oh how I wished at eight years old that I could make an orgasm last forever! Over my pre-adolescent and adolescent years that special zone migrated externally to my skin all over when touched by a soft sweater. I would often madturbate to this sensation, but it was the whole body reaction through my skin that really mattered. In my 20s through 50s, however, that pleasure, that special physical whole body sensation and emotional satisfaction attenuated progressively. I stopped getting much pleasure from my penis, both because I overworked it with masturbation, but also because I discovered that traditional man on woman sex had no special meaning for me. It was just an act--too short and not very sweet. During this same time I had also learned that the combination of my sweater fetish and nipple stimulation was intensely satisfying in a slow building to a sustained and very pleasurable experience. I could literally have a great time for an hour or so just rubbing and attending to the sensation without a need for orgasm, which I did occasionally treat myself too. In the course of my fourth and final marriage my wife would lick my nipples and that sensation was more delicious than orgasm. In my next relationship, a gay relationship, my partner was happy to continue that for me, but it evolved ultimately that I did not want to have sex as man on man either; I wanted to be the woman on either a man or a woman. At first I just started using some yam cream to stimulate some actual breast development. I went through about a year while the exquisite tenderness of developing breast buds Alternated regularly with a new and unique physical gratification from just touching my small breasts. After a year I started hormone treatment with estradiol 0.25 mg daily on August 17th, 2013, and it had a very positive effect on my breasts. I gradually increased my dose to 0.5 mg, then 1 mg, then 1 mg alternating with 2 mg, and now 2 mg daily with a steady gratifying response.
My breasts have become my defining organ. Even though I spend much of my time still in a male role, I hold my chest out high, covered discretely with a sweater always. I can no longer go swimming until I am ready for full woman's suit. I consult with them by physical touch frequently through every day. My touch reassures me that I'm here, that I'm OK, and that my life can feel real good--almost whenever I want. (It is not gratifying at times of severe sress.). My partner loves them. She calls them "my bunnies". She is almost jealous because my younger breasts don't sag as much as hers do. What is it that makes my breast sensations so overwhelming? I have no idea, but I am sure grateful. My breasts bring me closer to the world of true spirit than any other natural experience. It's mystical, almost religious, certainly filled with reverence and awe. Now I get what I never got as a man--why people like to look at women's breasts. Because that's where the soul is.
